Good Mothers, Bad Mothers - Essay Example

? Good mothers, bad mothers? Good mothers, bad mothers? With the development of new subjects at academic levels, several social topics and phenomena are taken under consideration to analyze human behavior both individually and cooperatively. These not only helped in a better understanding of human nature regarding the environment, but also helped a lot in improving the social cooperation offered by individuals of different backgrounds. By constructing some ideologies and theories, sociologists have become able to derive a model for a better human being to handle with every aspect of life. Families are considered as a very diverse and vast subject for sociologists and scholars as it contains several phenomena to research upon. No doubt that a society is composed of a large number of families, each one with a different background and social environment. Parental hood, childhood, the relation of spouses, their relation with children or vice versa has been now given enough importance in western academics. Particularly a developed country like UK which contains a multi-cultural society, where several of nations are living from several decades, is of quite interest. There have been mixtures of traditions, norms and social relations which provide a good environment to research. Among several other topics and subjects, motherhood is considered to be an interesting and important one to research upon. The reason being a mother is the one who makes a family. Britain contains a society where mothers are a full time worker, a part time worker or a complete house wife. With the vast growing globalization and a need for improvement in the standards of life, the number of complete house wives has been decreased prominently. This has certainly affected upon the relation between a mother and her children. Scholars have made an in-depth research on every aspect of motherhood, from religion to culture, from health to culture, from peace to sexuality, race, nationality, public environment , homo sexuality, heterosexuality; in short a wide range of topics regarding motherhood have been studied in order to develop a better understanding of the entire phenomena (Reilly 2010). For a long period of time, the phrase “good mother” was defined to be an entirely domestic mother, paying full attention to her home and family. Also, the middle class women were considered to be good mothers as they have nothing to do except their households and children and unlike upper class women, who do not find any proper time for their homes, the middle class women and mother can have a better eye and impact upon their families (Johnston & Swanson 2006). Good mothers are considered to be shelters for their children, a guide, a provider and a nurturer. This definition of good mother leads some eco-feminists to relate a mother with earth, as it too, provides everything unconditionally for the human kind. The eco-feminist movement was introduced to pay regard for all such mothers who and nature or environment are alike, i.e., dedicated and sincere. This concept of motherhood enlightens all the dedication and potential of a mother and shows most of her strengths with regards to the nature (Stearney 1994). With the passage of time and with the globalization, the phenomena of motherhood or of a “good mother” have changed many forms. Rather, it has been transformed as the society and culture changes its values and norms. Now, women are equally strong, prominent, leading and advancing in every aspect of life. Particularly the middle class women who preferred to stay at homes in the past, they have to leave their homes and children to meet the basic needs of life in today’s modern era. Now, the entire phenomena does not remain simple as before; it has become complex and diverse, depending upon the situation or environment a woman is facing. Today, a woman cannot be simply rated as a “bad mother” if she is a full time working lady, as it may be one of her strengths to manage both her job and home at the same time. Disregarding this factor, several other factors are now taken under consideration to rate a mother. These may include race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, addiction to any drugs, drinking and some other factors which account for a bad or failed mother. A working lady who desire to set up her career by throwing her children aside is also rated as a failed mother. A woman who is indulged in many social welfare activities but neglect her children cannot also be considered as a good mother. Similarly, single or teenage mothers can definitely not be good mothers as they themselves do not choose to be a mother and to have a family of their own (Powell 2010, p. 37). In today’s modern era, the definition of mothering has evolved completely. Now, a good mother is simply not the one who sacrifices herself for her family and children. This extreme thinking has now been terminated as women have proved themselves as a good worker along with a friendly and good mother. No doubt the historical image of a good mother is still iconized in general public, yet many societies pay tribute to their women as they are confronting quite well on two or more missions simultaneously. The ideological construction of a good mother also requires that she should be responsible and mature enough so that she can bring up her children sensibly, according to the era they are living and corresponding to the norms of the society. She should be protective and conscious for her children and should not harm or abuse them without any proper reason or any fatal mistake from their side. She must remain concerned about her children’s well-being and should take consultations and recommendations from experts in this regard (Reilly 2010). She should be like an institution where beliefs and norms are practiced, in order to meet the requirements of society. Upon all, a good mother implies that the lady of the house should act as a subordinate of her husband and should not confer upon gender equality. A married woman who is not self sufficient i.e., dependent on her husband in terms of finance and who is fully committed to her family is the most basic definition of a good mother. Such mother is not career oriented rather she keeps focus on her home and family. But unlike other value-loaded perceptions, the construction of a good mother also includes the human psychology and sociology, which implies a great effect with the evolution of the phenomena corresponding to time (Goodwin & Huppatz 2010). So far we have discussed what constitutes as a good and bad mother and how things have changed over the period of time. It is known to everyone that time flies faster for developed societies than for underdeveloped countries and nations, like those of Africans and Asians. They still have the classic definition for their women and mothers and do not rate working ladies as good mothers. Most importantly, they have a strong family system than west where mother holds a strong position. Unlike west, their family is not completed without a woman as the entire family depends upon her. Some Asian countries have a joint family system where all the siblings along with parents and their children reside in a single house. They have the advantage that grandparents get involved in upbringing of children so that the children become aware of their norms and values very deeply. In such families, mothers are typical housewives with full attention upon their family and children. They find time to look after their children appropriately and with the assistance of grandparents, the children are raised qualitatively. There is no or very less concept of teenage mothering, single parent which ensures a better family life. Although as a concept, west particularly Britain is not considered good in terms of family norms, as there is a large number of teenage mothers who do not want their babies to be born; yet common mothers in UK are now becoming enough sensible that when should they become a mother? Research indicates that women do not prefer to have babies in their 20’s or 30’s; rather they like to have them late. The reason being they do not consider themselves capable enough of having children when they are in the start or middle of their career. So they prefer to have family in their late ages when they are financially capable and mature enough to bring up their children effectively (Miller 2005). It is a common observation that bad or poor circumstances affect mothering as the mother remains in a continuous depression hence could not provide proper attention and quality upbringing to her children. Bad financial situation does not only affect the children mentally but their physical health may also get damaged. This could be a severe time when a typical housewife decides to put hand with her partner in order to meet the basic necessities of life and to provide her children quality food and education. While doing so, she may not pay proper attention to her kids. Here the question arises that should such mother be called a good mother or a bad one? Feminists believe that while struggling for life, if a woman neglects her children, she should not be termed as a bad mother, as she herself never preferred career rather she was forced to do work. In such circumstances when a married couple believes that they cannot provide quality life to their children, they delay them so as to make their standard better enough to comply the needs of life. Very close to this is the category of lone mothers, either divorced or unmarried. Traditionally, such mothers were highly condemned by the society as they cannot pay proper attention to their children and belong to working class of the society. Being a single parent, they must have to manage basic necessities of life for their children. With the passage of time, this approach has also been somewhat evolved. West particularly Britain has a large number of such mothers who are not dependent on someone rather they are the providers. As the circumstances have been changed, so as the approach of the society towards mothering has also become lenient and more practical. No doubt that the married, housewives who only look after their homes are highly praised, yet lone mothers are no more disregarded or degraded. With the increase in population of the world, the proportion of “female providers” has also increased subsequently. A large number of lone mothers include divorced ones, who have legitimate children to take care of. Thus it becomes obligatory for them to become bread-winner for her children (SILVA 1996). In western societies where homosexuality is a common practice, there are lesbian mothers too who fall in the same category. Generally they are not considered suitable to perform mothering as they have been much indulged in surrogacy denying most cultural and social ethics. Women who refuse to have any children at all are considered bad mothers if they ever become mothers. Therefore, a better social status is a requirement to be rated as a good mother (March & Miall 2006). Apart from children upbringing and households, several other factors are taken into account while rating a good or bad mother. Traditionally, a woman is rated as a good mother if she delivers her baby at home by normal means and breast-feeds him/her. Those who did not perform these so-called obligations were rated as bad mothers who have less interest and love with their babies (Taylor & Umansky 1998). As with the passage of time, these factors earned less importance and finally get vanished. Still in some parts of the world, the artificial birth techniques are not rated good socially. One more aspect of rating mothers is that in some families, men stay at home and look after the children whilst women go out for work. There can be many reasons for this. For instance, it could be that the man does not have a proper job or have less income than the woman. In such cases, does this make a woman a good/bad mother? Feminists are of the view that it is not the duty of a woman to become a bread-winner for her family, even when her husband is also present. But if she does so, to earn better and enhance the quality of life, she must be regarded as a good mother as she is not doing work intentionally or to make her career by spoiling her husband’s one, rather she is doing this for purpose, for a good purpose in fact. She puts her entire energy and acquires as much resources to fulfill the needs for her family. On the other hand, opponents argue that a woman should not at all leave her children upon the father as he is not meant to do mothering at her place. Even if he puts his entire efforts, he cannot replace a mother and ultimately it’s the children who will suffer. He cannot nurture or feed them properly and cannot teach them as much moral ethics as a mother can. Rating someone simply with the terms like “good” and “bad” is very easy for the critiques of all times, specially for men as their orientation is to become dominant and to suppress women in every field of life. Even when a woman is putting hard efforts to become a good mother or a wife, she could be termed as a bad one by a simple aspect in which she lacks behind unintentionally (Reilly 2010). Good mothers are thought to be a pious lady who is dedicated to her house only, which is not possible in today’s time. Women are doing equal or more labor than men and those middleclass women who were restricted to their homes are now forced to do work to keep pace with the society and to meet the basic needs of life. Hence to keep classic or traditional standards in today’s contemporary world to rate someone, particularly women, is unjust. One must make standards with the growing time and according to the particular circumstances a society or a family is facing. Definitely, a good mother of West is not considered good in places like Asia or Africa. Similarly, a good rich mother cannot comply with a good poor one who cannot simply stay at home when her children are deprived of basic necessities of life. There should be individualism while rating anyone, and women should be the one to set criteria for a good or bad mother, not the men, not the society. Works cited JOHNSTON, D., & SWANSON, D. (2006). Constructing the "Good Mother": The Experience of Mothering Ideologies by Work Status. Sex Roles. 54, 7-8. SILVA, E. B. (1996). Good enough mothering?: feminist perspectives on lone motherhood. London, Routledge. Top of Form LADD-TAYLOR, M., & UMANSKY, L. (1998). "Bad" mothers: the politics of blame in twentieth-century America. New York, New York University Press. Top of Form STEARNEY, L. M. (1994). Feminism, Ecofeminism, and the Maternal Archetype: Motherhood as a Feminine Universal. Communication Quarterly. 42, 145-59.Bottom of Form Powell, R. (2010). ‘Good mothers, bad mothers and mommy bloggers: Rhetorical resistance and fluid subjectivities’, MP-An online feminist journal, viewed May 13, 2012 Top of Form MILLER, T. (2005). Making sense of motherhood: a narrative approach. Cambridge, Cambridge University Press. Bottom of Form Top of Form GOODWIN, S., & HUPPATZ, K. (2010). The good mother: contemporary motherhoods in Australia. University Of Sydney, N.S.W., Sydney University Press. March K. and C. Miall (2006) "Reinforcing the motherhood ideal: Perceptions of biological mothers who make an adoption plan." Canadian Review of Sociology, 43(4): 367-385. Top of Form O'REILLY, A. (2010). Twenty-first-century motherhood: experience, identity, policy, agency. New York, Columbia University Press. Bottom of Form Bottom of Form Bottom of Form Read More