The Burden Carried by the Family Members of Suicide Victims - Essay Example

Theyve Come Undone: The Aftermath of a Suicide for the Victims Loved Ones Sometimes, the pain is sharp and intense – coursing through the body like rivulets of fire. Other times, it is a dull kind of aching, loneliness coupled with a numbing sense of inadequacy. The pain hits at any given time, and even after several years, even after the shock has subsided, the burden carried by the family members of suicide victims always remain. And because suicide is a tragedy for any family in any situation, there is no dearth of discourse on prevention strategies. One of these strategies, it seems, involve the “profiling” of suicide victims: seeing what kind or type of person are more predisposed to killing himself or herself, seeing the type of family background that would make suicide more likely, as well as other indicators like income bracket and gender, and using these observations as a way of preventing suicides from taking place. This paper submits that while these measures are important, and in fact, are supported by a great weight of scientific evidence, in dealing with the family and helping them cope after the suicide of their loved one, it is best to treat the person as a unique individual, rather than as a statistic to affirm previously-projected patterns. It is important to discuss my first-hand experience on this matter, as this will prove to be relevant to the abovementioned thesis statement. My brother shot himself to death recently. He was married to his wife for 27 years and was the father of two boys. He was a quiet worker, albeit a bit quiet and not too comfortable in social functions. He decided to undergo therapy to cure his social disorder, and his sessions have largely been successful as was saw him become more relaxed, outgoing and openly affectionate. He then found out that his wife was having an affair, and the next day, he decided to end his life. Our family did not see it coming. We knew the revelation of his wifes affair had hurt him greatly, but we did not know that he was suicidal. We saw no indicators of that. Indeed, the problem of suicides is a serious one. In the United States, more people die because of suicide each year than because of HIV or homicide. (SPRC Internet). That is why there have been many studies conducted about the “type” of person who is more susceptible to commit suicide. In the website of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, it was stated that at least 90% of those who kill themselves have a diagnosable treatable psychiatric illness, such as major depression, schizophrenia, or are suffering from alcohol or drug abuse, or have an antisocial personality. (AFSP Internet). Males are also three to five times more likely to commit suicide, and elderly Caucasian males have the highest suicide rates. (Ibid.) Hopelessness and pessimism are also an indicator of long-term suicidal risk. (Beck, et. al. 190). There are studies that have been conducted that state that family genetic history may be partially responsible for suicidal impulses of a human being. (Brent, at. al. 1) Of course, it is not difficult to conclude that a stormy family life – one riddled with conflicts and problems – can probably affect a persons coping mechanisms and make him more susceptible to suicide. These studies are good in the sense that they can provide a macro picture of trends and patterns, so that solution on a more general level may be reached. However, on a micro level, when one is dealing with an individual with a name and a face, foisting stastistics and data might not work. In order to more effectively prevent a suicide, the intervention must be one that operates on the premise that the individual is precisely that – an individual with with a unique personality, a unique emotion, and yes, a unique patchwork of problems that desperately cry for resolution. According to Edwin Schneidman, a clinical psychologist who is a leading authority on suicide, “Suicide is not a pointless or random act. To people who think about ending their own lives, suicide represents an answer to an otherwise insoluble problem or a way out of some unbearable dilemma. It is a choice that is somehow preferable to another set of dreaded circumstances, emotional distress, or disability, which the person fears more than death.” In the case of my brother, the unbearable dilemma was his wifes infidelity. He was not able to discuss it with anyone, even with his sibling whom he was very close to, thus manifesting a sense of isolation so acute and so deep that he believed that there was no way out but to kill himself. What this points to is that if one family member appears to be on the verge of suicide or seems to be distraught, the best thing to do is to bridge that sense of isolation by constantly reminding them that they are unconditionally loved and they always have their family to count on for support and nurturing. However, when the family members are unable to prevent the suicide from taking place, then those family members must build for themselves the emotional infrastructure to cope with the enormous sense of loss brought about by the death of a loved one. Any death in the family is painful enough – self-inflicted death is infinitely more so. The most common emotions felt by persons who have lost a loved one through suicide are guilt, anger, remorse, isolation and loneliness. (Better Health Channel, Internet) Indeed very patent is the feeling of inadequacy, the sense that perhaps if one had listened more, had been more caring, less dismissive, then the suicide would not have taken place. The notion that “my love was not worth living for” is also very prevalent among family members of the deceased. Also, families of suicide victims may tend to isolate themselves from the greater community, out of a feeling of shame. The sense of shame can be with respect to two completely independent impulses. The family can either feel shame for not being able to have prevented the suicide or to provide enough resources for the person to deal with his or her pain; or the shame could come from the prevalent notion supported by many studies that many of those who kill themselves come from families with high risks of suicide. These unfortunate emotions, which are only stumbling blocks in the journey towards healing and acceptance, are compounded even further by so- called “profiling” of suicide victims. While certainly, there is some scientific basis to this profiling, efforts at emotional rehabilitation of the family should steer clear of these generalizations. Each family member should be able to remember the deceased in the manner that they choose to, and should have his own personal reckoning with the tragedy devoid of labels and classifications ascribed by society. Also, looking at patterns and statistics legitimizes the idea that there are a given set of variables in society that set the standards of normalcy. While this may be true, the only thing it succeeds in doing for the grieving person is to look at the deceased loved one as “abnormal”, and himself, by extension, as “abnormal” as well. This blame-casting and label-placing only serve to widen the perceived chasm between the grieving person and his community. This deepens his sense of isolation and makes it more difficult for him to seek help. Lastly, it reduces the suicide victim himself to exactly that: a suicide victim. It negates the richness of his life, the contributions he has made, the happiness that he has engendered in the lives of other people. It is a disservice to his memory to remember him only as a statistic, a number, a hospital record, and to forget altogether the colorful tapestry of memories created when he was alive. To sum up, it bears repeating that a family grieving over the loss of a loved one to suicide must be spared from the cold hard scientific discourse surrounding suicides and suicide victims. Instead, the victim must be treated as a unique individual, with unique issues and unique problems. This is for three reasons. First, each family member should undergo his own introspection and reckoning, free from the baggage of society. Second, the family must not be isolated from the community any further and must not have, in muddling through its grief, to confront just yet intimations that suicide may be the result of a family disorder. Third, the suicide victims must be perceived as someone who once was a human being. The journey towards recovery will be long and arduous. The pain is sharp, the grief almost insurmountable. But one forges on anyway. And things, knots, hopes, promises, that have come undone, will come together and mend itself neatly in the end. Works Cited Beck, Aaron T., Berchick, Robert J., Brown, Gary M,, Stewart, Bonnie L., Steer, Robert A. “Relationship Between Hopelessness and Ultimate Suicide:A Replication with Psychiatric Outpatients.” American Journal of Psychiatry 147. (1990): 190-195 Brent, D.A., Bridge, J., Johnson, B.A., Connolly, J. “Suicidal Behavior Runs in Families: A Controlled Family Study of Adolescent Suicide Victims” Archives of General Psychiatry 53. (1996): 12. Goldsmith, S, Pellmar, A, Kleinman, A, Bunney, W. (editors) (2002). Reducing Suicide: A National Imperative. Washington, DC: National Academy Press. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. 2006. Accessed June 11, 2006. www.afsp.org “Suicide: Family and Friends”. Better Health Channel. January 2006. Accessed June 13, 2006. http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Suicide Suicide Prevention Resource Center. 1996. Accessed June 12, 2006. Education Development Center, Inc. www.sprc.org Read More