Revenge Relationships - Article Example

Advice on Revenge Relationships Deciding to finally tie the knot is one of the biggest decisions anyone could ever make. Giving up one’s freedom and taking up the responsibility of building a family is enough to explain why many couples prefer neither to get married nor live together under one roof. Living the promise of being faithful to each another is another issue, which makes marriage more inconceivable for some. Many couples nowadays are afraid to get married because they have doubts on themselves or their partner. Some tend to feel undecided because of disloyal partners. Any woman would really feel doubtful should she find out that her boyfriend still flirting with another woman after they have made plans of getting married. Nevertheless, taking revenge may not be the solution. According to Stuckless and Goranson (cited in Greenberg, 104), revenge is “any behavior motivated by a desire to harm [or hurt] an individual in return for some perceived offense.” Revenge is usually thought of in order to make the other person feel that one was hurt or that the act was unacceptable. In loving relationships, revenge usually happens when one of the lovers, for instance, the guy, has another party. In such case, the woman may be tempted to take revenge by finding another guy to go out with. The purpose of the woman is to make the other realize that what he did was wrong but instead of resolving the problem of infidelity, she could only make things worse as the chain of action never ends. Basically, revenge in the said manner will not correct the behavior of the man. It will only invite a repercussion that will worsen the situation. If the man finds out that the woman is going out with another man, he will likely do even worse than before, and even put the blame on the woman. I have asked seven female friends regarding this issue, and I learned that most of them would think of revenge to make the man realize his mistake. Out of the seven, five replied that they would do the same as the man did and they would go out with another man in order to get even with their boyfriend. Four of them actually did what they said could make their boyfriend realize that they are not stupid to watch the guy fooling around with another girl. All confessed that it made them feel victorious to make revenge but such action did not help resolve the problem. Instead, the outcome was separation as the guy decided to break up with them at the end. Only one of the respondents made amends with the guy as the latter confronted the woman and realized his mistake. According to Bohm and Kaplan (109), revenge is common to lovers who discover their partner’s infidelity. However, revenge fantasies are more common than revenge acts. This means that people, especially women, resort more into thinking about doing the same thing but not really doing it. Women, in particular, think of going out or finding another guy to take revenge but most of them will not pursue the thought. Moreover, revenge fantasies are borne out of feeling disadvantaged and oppressed, and in order to let go of the pain and forgive, one needs to feel secure and loved. Although it may help to release the pain, taking revenge to make someone realize that there is something wrong with him is not the answer to the problem. When a woman finds out that her boyfriend is dating another girl, the best thing she could do is to confront the man about it. The two of them should agree that if they want to continue with their relationship, they should do whatever it takes to make love last, no matter how difficult it is. If during the confrontation the guy refuses to do what is right, then the girl would know that he is not for real and it is time to walk out the door. As always, communication is the best way to deal with any misunderstanding. In another survey I made that involved men as respondents, revenge seemed to be less ordinary. Surprisingly, the men’s reaction to the problem was totally different from the women’s. Majority of the respondents felt that it was truly wrong to take revenge on the girl. Instead of taking revenge, the men responded that they would ask their girlfriend first who the guy is and find out if there is anything to be worried about. Most of the respondents declared that they will not insist on what they want but just let go of the girl or break up with her if they find out she is going out with other men. Men’s response to the problem proves the gender disparity in terms of their view of revenge relationships. The men show more concern on addressing the problem directly and taking relevant action to the problem of infidelity. Moreover, the men showed more concern on communication and being straightforward while the female respondents were more focused on taking revenge and getting even with the man in order to make him see that what he is doing is wrong. Comparing the two responses, one can easily say that the men’s approach to the problem is better than the women’s. The male decision to find out the truth and put an end to the relationship if the other is dishonest is more appropriate because it addresses the problem at its core. This is to say that if the woman’s purpose is to make her partner realize that what he did was wrong, revenge should be the last resort. Taking revenge will not answer the problem; instead, it will only worsen the situation and make the couple look miserable. To find out the best solution, one should consider the two sides of the coin. In the given scenario, the man is at fault for dating other women while he is already engaged with another. Likewise, the woman may take the blame for expecting too much from the man or being too lax about the issue. Basically, the man may be blamed for going out with other women because such behavior shows how unserious he is about the relationship. If he is serious with the girl, he should be committed and avoid behaving in a way that could hurt his girlfriend. Moreover, he should avoid going out with other women as a sign of respect for the girl. On a different note, the girl may also be blamed for being too lax about her boyfriend’s habit of going out with other women. In the first place, she should have broken up with him the moment she learned that he was going out with somebody. However, since she has let everything pass her without doing something to stop the cause of the man’s behavior, she may be blamed for what happened. Ideally, the girl should have made it clear from the beginning that she does not want the man to go out with other women and that if he should do such, she would break up with him right away. Furthermore, for a relationship to succeed, each of the couple should be committed. In the given scenario, the woman seems to be the only one committed. If this is the case, it will be difficult to stop the man from going out with other women because obviously, he is not serious about settling down with his girlfriend. Commitment and understanding is the key to a successful relationship. Many relationships fail because lovers do not react appropriately to the situation. In the survey mentioned, it was clear that women have the tendency to take revenge or do something that could only worsen the problem while men are more focused on facing the problem squarely. Furthermore, the men confirmed that it is truly wrong to take revenge on a disloyal partner. As mentioned, the problem of disloyalty will not be resolved in by doing the same thing that the other person did because such will only lead to repercussions that could later lead to hatred and separation. The best way to deal with the problem is to reemphasize commitment and show firmness in one’s decision to let go once the trust is betrayed. Works Cited Bohm, Tomas and Kaplan, Suzanne. 2011. “Revenge.” Karnac Books, London; 109 Stuckless, Noreen and Goranson, Richard. 2010. In Greenberg, Jerald. “Insidious Behavior.” Taylor and Francis, NY, 104. Read More