Dating among College Students - Article Example

Research Paper: Dating Among College The concept of college dating today has taken on a whole new meaning, where getting into serious relationships and finding a lifelong partner seem to be the last thing on the student’s minds. The sex revolution which attaches no stigma to premarital sex, abortion and switching partners or having group sex, has shaken their ability to commit to one person. With no prescribed forms of conduct to guide them in the right direction, they are at a loss to understand the sanctity of marriage, rearing and caring for children and finding true love and friendship with a lifelong partner. The atmosphere in the college dormitories too, does not restrict them from freely being together at any time of the day or night, which has liberated them from the confines of marriage, love and intimacy. What has further paralyzed their ability to think about serious relationships and responsibilities is that they have no respect for their partner and infidelity and shame regarding sexual matters, no longer has any importance for them. As most college students come from broken families, their capacity to love and trust is badly crippled by the betrayal of their parents who should have provided them with durable, reliable and unconditional love. Therefore, they fail to understand the moral and social importance of family life and marriage. In the 1960’s when college females visited the university and that too only on weekends, they stayed in college approved housing or with widows who were happy to accept college delegations. Self enforced rules were there in the dormitories and women were not permitted in the bedrooms and had to be out by a certain hour. The older generation as college students believed in preserving chastity as a form of showing love and reverence to God, with the belief that our bodies are not our own and we must preserve them for the peace and contentment of our life ahead. But this is something difficult for the younger generation to comprehend and having no motive to love God, most cannot think of abstaining from sex in their student life and are unable to understand what it means to save their love and body for a person they hope to marry one day. According to the U.S. Department of Commerce and the Bureau of Census, the median age for the first marriage around the 1950’s among men was, 22-26 years and for women it was 20-22 years. But since then as of 2003, the median age for the first marriage has considerably gone up to 27 for men and 25 for women. Today, college students are overwhelmed at the concept of going out on a date as it has become so complex a phenomenon that even the thought gives those shudders. They feel more comfortable with the opposite sex and are dating at an earlier age and marrying much later than their parents. As compared to the past the rules for dating have changed; and today students go to colleges to work towards their career, rather than preparing for work as well as finding a partner to marry and settle down in life. Many students don’t want to get married for many years to come as they want to become independent, advance in their career, and establish stable finances before deciding to share their lives with someone else. Nowadays, college students draw connections between the breakdown of courtship and the rise of the hook-up culture, what was a few decades ago called pimping and prostitution. They believe that they have an objective morality which is different, but better from their forefathers and as long as theirs is working well, why should they switch to a pointless and a difficult one. Along with many other objective morals on their side to support their behavior, one is that it’s wrong to have sex; only with someone who is unwilling. As college life can be stressful, the support and friendship of a partner can be helpful but for most, it ends with the college years rather than having found a lifelong companion in each other. Students are more career oriented and aware that the years after completing graduation are full of movement and unpredictability. As one has to make choices between work, travel or graduate schools, which require absolute freedom, they feel that marriage can restrict their flexibility and also hamper their aspirations and ambitions for a brighter career. In 2001, the results of a report related to college dating showed that most parents these days discourage their daughters to get married at an early age and promote their being economically independent and self supporting. Over the past few decades, the concept of dating may have changed but the desirable significant characteristics one looks for in the opposite sex don’t seem to have changed because even today, the youth is more attracted by the physical beauty but as they get older, they look for similar values and objectives in life. The college daters today have more options and can go to graduate school and they prefer to find a partner with similar goals. Another research shows that since 1980, the women have outnumbered men in colleges and universities. According to census figures at the Center for the Study of Opportunity in Higher Education from October 2002, for every 100 women, the college enrolled 85 men, and the gap is growing constantly. Since 1967 the percentage of men attending colleges has dropped slightly whereas, the percentage for women students has doubled. Studies show that dating is one of the early symptoms of the gender-gap problem and later, the college educated women will find that there are no college educated men to marry. Certain findings have clearly indicated that college relationships of today are characterized either by a complete lack of commitment or too much commitment too soon. As fewer students have marriage plans in the foreseeable future, the concept of courtship has completely disappeared and they are left with no proper and concise rules for dating. However, there are some students who stay together in college, study, do laundry, go out and eat together, yet many in such relationships complained that the situation is stifling as it keeps them from meeting a variety of people and experimenting. Risk-taking and experimentation are no doubt an essential part of development, especially of college students, but how to protect them from harm without stifling them, is a paradox which has put the colleges and universities in a difficult situation. Certain researches have indicated that students involve in harmful activities and behavior, either because of the negative environment or due to social pressures. And in this process of experimenting and learning, what seems exciting to the adolescents; is scary for the parents and where elders see risk, the youth sees growth. In the absence of dating, the students now interact with the opposite sex in just three ways: hooking up, having a physical encounter without emotional attachment and hanging out as friends in a casual mixed gender group. A 2001 report acknowledged that hooking up with expectations was a common feature nationwide and 62 per cent of those who hooked up claimed that it made them feel desirable whereas, 64 per cent said that hook-ups were awkward. Many of the students, who hooked up, expressed the desire that they were ultimately looking for something more meaningful, as the finding of an in-depth survey showed that 91% women agreed that marriage was their important lifetime goal. According to the reports of a study carried out by the marriage-minded Institute for American Values, in a nationwide survey, conducted at four-year institutions stated that only 40% women were happy with the social scene on campus. The report also explains that 39% of the respondents said they were virgins. A smaller group of 18 % of the national sample of a very religious group of students expressed the desire to date exclusively; without necessarily being sexually involved while others, who did not want to be sexually active had the excuse of STD and AIDS. If marriage is not the immediate concern for the college students and they enter serious relationships, with or without abstaining from sex is entirely a personal decision. Yet there was something really appealing about the old concept of dating, when going out to dinner did not imply automatically of a serious commitment or intense physical relations and dating many people at once was quite normal. The apparent reason why college students are distancing themselves from going out on dates is probably their belief that dating carries the expectation of an all consuming relationship. Thus, dating may be dead, but the battle between the sexes lives on. 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